


Memories Made

by canadduh



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas POV, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm so sorry, It wrote itself, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Sick Character, Sick Dean, angsty af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 22:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16841803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadduh/pseuds/canadduh
Summary: Castiel Remembers. Just as he's done every year.





	Memories Made

**Author's Note:**

> AHHH I'm so sorry. The idea got stuck in my head and it wouldn't leave until I wrote it and now I need someone else to suffer with me. This fic was inspired but the Pentatonix song Coldest Winter. It's the saddest Christmas song I've ever heard. I'd suggest listening to it while you read this.

Cas could picture how brightly Dean had been smiling when they first started dating. They’d just finished their last final of fall quarter, freshman year, a chemistry class that they both needed for their respective majors. Cas has been talking about some inane thing he was going to do over the break when Dean had stopped, grabbed Cas’ wrist, and pulled him into a kiss.

“I think I’m falling for you,” Dean had murmured when he pulled back, “please tell me I’m not falling alone.”

“I’m right with you,” Cas had assured before pulling Dean back into him, the two of them making out behind the chemistry building, oblivious to the world.

Dating Dean had been like riding hot air balloon and spending the day at the beach. Full of adventures and peaceful. They did their homework sitting next to each other in their dorm room or at the library. They hung out with their friends, movie nights with Benny and game nights at Charlie’s. They went on random dates in the city or Dean would drive them to the middle of nowhere to look at the stars.

Even after Dean got sick just before their junior year, he made sure life was an adventure. While Cas worried about what the cancer was doing to Dean; the man himself was living life to the fullest because “everyone dies, Cas, we can’t put life on hold waiting for death the claim us.”

So Cas stood next to Dean. They went on walks in the park, got hitched in Vegas, and saw the lower 48’s largest ball of twine.

When Dean started getting worse their adventures calmed down some, but Cas still cherished any moment he got to spend with Dean. They spent a quiet summer together, going to the movies, eating out with Sammy when Dean was up for it. Building pillow forts in the living room of their apartment. Cas loved it.

Dean didn’t bother signing up for his senior year classes. He was often too sick to leave the house and spent much of his time with his head in the toilet. Chemo had been making him worse so Dean opted out of the latest round.

Cas didn’t argue when Dean rented a cabin in the mountains for the duration of winter break. He didn’t argue when Dean insisted on driving the Impala, though he did convince the man to use the snow chains. He held Dean’s hand tightly, never wanting to let go.

The cabin was small, cozy and absolutely perfect. They spent their time cuddled in bed, talking about what they wanted their future to look like. How they’d decorate the living room of their house in the suburbs. A house they both knew they’d never have together.

“Let’s build a snowman,” Dean had said one morning.

So they had bundled up, Dean more so than Cas, and did just that.

Cas remembered how easy the laughter had come to him that afternoon. Dean had been rosy-cheeked and affectionate and glowing in a way that he hadn’t since before he was diagnosed.

That night they had exchanged presents. Cas hadn’t known what to give Dean. He wasn’t sure a material gift would mean much to the man anyways. Dean had accepted what would happen and Cas had to respect that.

So Cas gave Dean the only thing he could— a promise.

Cas had promised to remember Dean, the good times and the bad, and cherish those memories without letting them consume him.

Dean had given him a photo album filled with nearly a thousand pictures to document their entire relationship. Cas had recognized a few of them from parties and game nights, but there were hundreds that he didn’t. Photos that were clearly taken by other people, or by Dean himself. His eyes filled with tears as he thumbed through it.

“Oh god,” Cas sobbed, throwing himself into his husband’s arms, “Dean.”

“I know, love,” Dean promised, his voice thick with tears of his own, “I love you, even when I’m gone I’ll love you.”

Tears filled Cas’ eyes as he remembered waking up the next morning to Dean’s body, cold beside him. He remembered how peaceful Dean had looked even as his vision blurred.

He remembered every laugh, every tear, and every sleepless night he’d had since then. Just as he promised he would. The good and the bad.

“Daddy?” a whimpered cry came from the room next to his.

Cas kissed his index finger and pressed it to Dean’s smiling face before closing the photo album and going to check on his daughter.

“Yes, De?” Cas questioned gently, lowering himself to sit next to his daughter and running his hands through the girls soft blond hair, “did you have a nightmare?”

“No, daddy, was a good dream,” The girl assured, wrapping her arms around Cas’ arm, “saw Dean. He told Deanna he loves us.”

Cas closed his eyes in order to compose himself. He pulled his daughter into his lap. She came willingly and snuggled into Cas’ arms.

When Cas opened his eyes he swore he saw green eyes and a freckled face smiling at him illuminated by the reflection of the street light off the snow outside. But when he blinked the Dean was gone.

“Wanna sleep in your bed, daddy,” Deanna whined, burrowing further into Cas’ arms.

“Of course, baby girl,” Cas said, lifting the girl up and carrying her to his room.

He couldn’t help but brush his fingers over the picture from Vegas of him and Dean grinning at each other. They were both wearing rented tuxes and Cas could feel the love they shared radiating off the picture.

“Love you,” Cas murmured to his now sleeping daughter as he pulled the covers over her shoulders, “I will always love you.”


End file.
